“Shoulding:” To Should or Not to Should…

So much of ‘shoulding’ yourself has to do with your tone & a simple preposition.

Allow me to explain: When you ‘should’ ON yourself, in all likelihood, there is usually a level of a slight annoyance to a downright abusive tone towards yourself. For example, you may say to yourself, “I should avoid eating (fill in your favorite food)” or “I should be farther along in my (fill in the blank)!” The first may lead you to a feeling of disappointment in yourself, while the second may lead to a deeper sense of depression and not being enough. Self-judgement, here, always comes in degrees. I have experienced both…Lawd…have I!

When you ‘should’ WITH yourself, in all likelihood, there can be a level of excitement or possibility. For example, an idea may occur to you of how to do something as you’re working on a problem creatively or at work. You may think, “I should really reach out to (so & so)!” or “I should rearrange my creative work in this way!” Along this avenue of thought, it’s almost as if you grabbed your best friend by the wrist and said, “Come on! This’ll be fun!” Here, it is actually inspiration, wanted and accepted. I certainly welcome this type of ‘shoulding!’

In practical terms, when you begin to use ‘should’ ask yourself,

“How does what I just said to myself make me feel?”

The answer will reveal whether you have just ‘should ON yourself’ or ‘should WITH yourself.’

Did this resonate? I’d love to hear your thoughts…